Sunyata, I have a question for you about Yab Yum —I am short and weigh about 300 pounds. He is 5’9″ and about 160, so I don’t know, could yab yum work?

Yab Yum is a beautiful way for a couple to connect and should never provide pain for either partner!
When partners use Yab Yum to connect and harmonize, sitting together in this way can be for long time periods of eye-gazing and breathing together. So, making sure both bodies feel comfortable for an extended time is a must! There are also variations of the Yab Yum position (man’s legs on top, or opposite leg on top) which can provide alternatives that may be more comfortable for some pairs of people.

How to get into Yab Yum

yab-yum-positionGo slow, Yab Yum is an exposed and vulnerable position to climb into together. Regardless of who is on top: use care with landing on your partner’s lap. One partner sits down (usually with legs crossed in Lotus pose) and the other partner slowly lowers themself onto the lap of the 1st partner. The 2nd partner can brace themself on the 1st partner’s shoulders and the 1st partner can reach up to help guide the other partner down onto their lap.

A safer method of approaching the Yab Yum position is for both partners to first sit down facing each other —and then “scootch” or slide together, carefully meeting in the bottom person’s lap, and connected at the genitals (2nd Chakra). You can slide a pillow under the butt of the top partner to help balance and relieve some of the weight on the bottom partner. And you should use pillows to support the knees and/or back when these feel strained (stack pillows or use a “backjack” or nearby wall to provide support). Be extra-careful with your knees as the knee joint is exposed and there’s little lateral support which can get easily injured if stressed or overloaded.

Yab Yum Connection

Every body is proportionately different—longer or shorter, thicker or thinner, wider or narrower than another body. So, when sitting together in Yab Yum, sometimes it’s harder to get into the position and find a comfortable fit. The variations of Yab Yum mentioned above (man’s legs on top, or opposite leg on top) should make it possible to find a more comfortable fit for some partners—experiment and find what works for your unique pair!

Yab Yum Practice

Another reason for connecting in Yab Yum position is to “run sexual energy” together, between partners. In the traditional Yab Yum posture the couple connects at their 2nd Chakra (physically at the genitals). Next, by touching foreheads at each partner’s 6th Chakra (brow), a circuit is created for energy to run up the spine cross at the brow and come down through the opposite partner to the genitals again in a large circle.

Running energy together in this way has a remarkable affect on the participants—flowing sexual energy can be physically felt as tingling or “goosebumps” or hair standing up along the spine, forehead, and at the genitals.  The effects of running sexual energy together in a large loop up and down the spine creates an erotic resonance vibration that is palpable and profound.

Use Your Breath

In Tantra practices, different types of breathing methods (called pranayama) are used to enhance and direct energy sensation and facilitate desired outcomes. In the Yab Yum position, breath is coordinated to enhance coherence between partners. Breath can also be used to “stoke” the fire of sexual energy by using the Fire Breath or the Slope/Charging Breath (* ask me to show you how). Consciously using your breath to synchronize your energy will deepen your connection and awareness of sexual energy flowing through you both.

Breath is also used to establish awareness and project consciousness to places in the body or to heighten presence and erotic effect. Try placing your awareness in your breath—like a letter put into an envelope that’s mailed—and send it from your genitals up your back and across to your partner, and back down to your root again. Or practice sending it other places, such as to your heart and back and forth to your partner’s heart. There are endless possibilities to explore and play with.

Sex Position

Yab-Yum-positionYab Yum is also used as a sex position with intercourse. Penetration further enhances the Yab Yum experience and creates an even stronger charge of sexual energy to circulate through the energy loop. In addition, hands are free to become involved with connecting, stimulating, caressing, each other while staying grounded together in the sitting position. Be careful and watch out for any strain on your back or legs when making sexual movements together.

One of my favorite things to do in Yab Yum is run my hands up and down the back of my partner, tracing the energy as it passes. Also, I can make energetic connection with my hand’s palm Chakras on my partner’s Chakra locations (from root to crown) accessing and activating the different qualities and characteristics of the Chakras —enhanced by the presence of sexual energy.

Variations to Yab Yum can work here too; one in particular which has been used for millennia by Tantric adepts is known as the “X” position (Yab Yum—with both partners laying back, supported by piled up pillows). The X position provides more room for movement—although the way the ancients practiced it, both partners remain still—with the woman contracting her yoni (vagina) muscles to “milk” the man’s lingam (penis). Experiment with what fits best for the both of you and which variations allow you the most access to your pleasure.

Use Yab Yum position to connect deeply with your partner and establish erotic resonance—and then take it further into sexual intercourse pleasure if you desire.

Love and Light,

Have questions about Yab Yum or want to know more? Set up a session with me to discuss what’s on your mind and remove what’s preventing you from enjoying sex or experiencing Yab Yum with your partner.

Contact Sunyata


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Originally posted on October 25, 2018 @ 3:30 pm

Sunyata Satchitananda

Sunyata is a Spiritual Counselor, Certified Tantric Healer and Author of "Safe Sexual Healing: a Guidebook for Healers and Clients." Ordained Minister (1980), Certified Tantric Healer (2007), Reiki Master (2009). Sunyata specializes in helping men and women achieve deep transformation, spiritual growth, sacred sexuality, heal from sexual abuse and emotional trauma, and develop a greater, deeper intimacy and connection with their partner.


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