What is “Sacred Intimacy” or Sexual Healing?

Sacred Intimacy is a form of sexual healing describing a purposefully created opportunity for healing and releasing wounds from emotional and sexual trauma. It also describes the experience itself—which is both “sacred” (elevated, enhanced, spiritual) and intimate (open, vulnerable, transparent, accepting). In sacred intimacy sessions, very intimate and vulnerable places of the psyche and emotions are safely accessed, allowed to integrate and then release. Sacred intimacy sessions have the purpose of recovering one’s spirit, healing, and returning to emotional and psychological well-being.

What Happens in Sacred Intimacy Sessions?

In a therapeutic professional setting, sacred intimacy sexual healing sessions should be facilitated by a trained and qualified healing practitioner. There is however, a lot that a couple who are trained in the essential aspects of providing a healing session can do for each other without needing a sexual healer to facilitate the session. The benefits of Sacred Intimacy sessions include deeper intimacy, closeness and connection, openness and trust of each other.

sacred-intimacy-sexual-healing

Art by Richard Stodart

Sacred Intimacy is a special creation of space and time wherein two people meet—one to be the receiver and the other to be the giver. The exchange is one-direction in its intention and facilitation. The “receiver” is invited to open and drop their emotional armoring and lower psychological and emotional barriers they may have to create an opportunity to release and clear emotional and energetic “residue” from past sexual trauma and emotional wounding. The one who is the “giver” holds the sacred intention of serving the receiver’s highest good by supporting their process of healing and letting-go; maintaining complete presence and unconditional acceptance, not getting in the way of the receiver’s process of unwinding and releasing.

Because sexual wounding and trauma so often involves a heart-break of trust at deep, unprotected, levels by a family member or relationship partner—communication and relating ability are impacted and get triggered when intimate and vulnerable circumstances occur (while sharing intimacy, during sex and deep connection). To understand Sacred Intimacy or the sexual healing process better lets look at what it is that is being “healed” or let go of.

Why Sexual Healing is Needed

Very few people have escaped childhood without experiencing some traumatic event that left emotional wounds and psychological scars—especially in the areas of: broken trust, a broken heart, or betrayed trust by a family member. The overwhelming emotion produced by these will often produce psychoid (of the psyche & physical) reactions that embed emotional and physiological trigger points of pain, tightness, and discomfort in the emotion centers of the body (abdomen and pelvic-genital area),

Not everyone is sexually abused, and yet abuse of any kind will cause trauma that can surface when intimacy, trust, and vulnerability are experienced—and the place most likely for this to occur is in one’s relationship and in the experience/expression of sexuality. Past trauma and abuse will often severely affect a person’s ability to feel deep and fulfilling intimacy, and manifests in sexual dysfunction, reoccurring emotional and relationship sabotage, low self-esteem and unhealthy choices/practices.

Sacred Intimacy sessions are opportunities to experience emotional clarity and relief of stress, frustration and anger in a supportive and positive container that works with what your body and its energy wants to reveal, let go of, and release in a safe environment with a trusted partner. Many of the relationship difficulties experienced by couples stem from pent-up and unprocessed feelings tied to past emotional and psychological wounds that have been suppressed and ignored. These wounds create emotional “hot-buttons” or “triggers” which when activated can cause havoc and damage feelings—putting a strain on the relationship.. These havoc-wielding buttons are actually the desperate attempts of the unconscious to make these hidden issues come out into the open to be seen, witnessed, processed and integrated—trying to return to emotional and psychological equilibrium, wellness, and wholeness.

The reason that Sacred Intimacy sessions are so beneficial is that they give the receiver an opportunity to presence and consciously work with uncomfortable feelings and pent-up energies for greater psychological understanding and emotional clarity. With basic techniques and practices a couple can do much to discover and release unconscious feelings so they no longer have power over behavior—and anytime they get triggered again they are easily re-integrated. Current concerns or challenges can also be processed—allowing stress and emotional charge to dissipate and release. Doing this together as a couple engenders trust and deep intimacy.

It’s not necessary to become immersed in the overwhelm or relive the trauma of the wounding to heal or release its emotional charge and unconscious hold on you. Sacred Intimacy healing work will go as deep as you allow it to. Additionally, Sacred Intimacy sessions don’t always have to be about working through trauma. They can be simply opportunities to experience loving touch and deep connection, with the receiver allowing themself to just receive without reciprocation or feeling guilty for the attention. The giver enjoys the opportunity to unselfishly provide pleasure and loving connection without expecting to be reciprocated, exercising altruistic selflessness and unconditional love.

For couples who have a lot of emotional baggage and unresolved trauma I strongly suggest seeing a professional therapist, counselor and/or healer for additional support.

The Process

sacred-intimacy-sexual-healing

Art by Richard Stodart

Couple should begin their Sacred Intimacy session by harmonizing together, sitting across from each other or in Yab Yum position and simultaneously breathing deeply. After they reach the point of feeling in attunement with each other, proceed with having the receiver lie down on a bed or massage table. The giver should take their time to physically and energetically attune to the receiver’s body and energy by gently placing their hands at various places on the receiver’s body starting at the feet and ending at the shoulders/head. With each location the giver takes 2 to 3 deep breaths and “feels into” the physical and energetic sensations of that spot. After this, the giver can provide a soothing and relaxing massage intended to help the receiver relax deeper and release their physical/emotional armoring. The giver doesn’t need to do a complete body massage unless that is what the receiver needs, including key areas like the feet, back, shoulders, hands, neck, and head is often enough to relax the receiver.

Because energy knots from sexual trauma or emotional wounds are often found in the area of the body where feelings are held and processed (also associated with sexuality) the sacred intimacy and sexual healing process uses sexual energy to reveal, clear, and release any “energy knots” (often experienced as: numb, cold, tight, and/or painful places). The conscious activation of these energy knots allows the previous pent-up energy to flow naturally and return the receiver to vitality and full experience of their sexuality. The benefits of which are: less stress, fear and anxiety while adding greater self-awareness and capacity for intimacy in relationship.

Breath, sensual touch, movement, sound and visualization are used to create opportunities for discovery, release, and integration of the contracted energy knots, emotional wounds, or disparate feelings of the client. With the right preparation, the receiver can relax and open to the wisdom of the body and spirit to direct the session’s experience. For the giver, it takes an understanding of key principles combined with sincere intention and steadfast attentive presence to create the safe and sacred container where the receiver feels safe and able to relax and open up within.

Use the breath to excite erogenous areas along with soft gentle caressing to ignite arousal in key locations like: behind the knees, inner thighs, across the pelvis and lower belly, the side torso, breasts and nipples, along the neck, and around the ears. Don’t pounce onto the genitals, work around the body and build anticipation and excitement first. When the receiver has become full relaxed AND excited (their body twitches, rises up to the touch, writhes, and they let out moans of pleasure) the giver will know that the receiver is ready for genital touch. In initial sessions, it might be best to ask the receiver if they are ready for genital touch and receive consent, confirming the signs indicating they are ready, before genital contact. This supports the receiver’s autonomy and agency, which is very important to establish, especially when there has been sexual trauma they will be working through. 

* see related article: Sexual Healing with Internal Pelvic Release

When experienced regularly, Sacred Intimacy sessions allow a person (or couple) to stay in-touch with developing feelings while discovering previously hidden sources of compulsive behavior or unconscious motivation and clear or release what wants to be let go of, process and integrate disparate feelings —while providing more clarity and deeper connection in relationship not to mention personal understanding and empowerment.

If you would like to learn how to create sacred intimacy sessions with your beloved, or if you have questions about sacred intimacy sessions please click on the Contact Sunyata button below.

Contact Sunyata

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Originally posted on August 26, 2013 @ 5:33 pm


Sunyata Satchitananda

Sunyata is a Spiritual Counselor, Certified Tantric Healer and Author of "Safe Sexual Healing: a Guidebook for Healers and Clients." Ordained Minister (1980), Certified Tantric Healer (2007), Reiki Master (2009). Sunyata specializes in helping men and women achieve deep transformation, spiritual growth, sacred sexuality, heal from sexual abuse and emotional trauma, and develop a greater, deeper intimacy and connection with their partner.

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